Memories We Missed
by Murr
Summary: Incurable insanity, Incompetant boobery---Onion of the Underworld! What more irrational ideas will James and Sirius get when they have to babysit little Harry for three days? Finished Come one, come all! Yay!
1. Girl's Night Out

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Memories We Missed

Disclaimer: I'd like to take a trip to court, but going there without the guilty pleasure would only be half the fun.

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Author's Note: It's toddler Harry! I know it's insane, doesn't make sense, and is slightly Auish------but come on! Reviews are welcome. Flames are in a sense are welcome. They will be used to light the candles in my room since my parents hid the matches. 

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** Due to financial difficulties the light at the end of the tunnel has been shut off. **

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Chapter I-------Girl's Night Out

" Love, you're so beautiful. Where have you been all my life?" Sirius paused for effect, " You're everything I ever wanted, ever dreamed for, could ever hope for! Now you're here. And you're all mine. Ah, I remember the first time I laid eyes on you, and look at us now. "

"Yes, Mr. Black. Look at you now. Pouring your heart out----to a motorcycle. " Sirius Black didn't tear his eyes from his new motorcycle, but he could almost picture the pretty redhead behind him; laughing. Which she was.

"It isn't funny."

"'Tis so. Harry thinks it's funny, don't you Harry? Yes Uncle Padfoot is a prat, like your father. Grow up to be like mummy. Or Remus. Mummy likes Daddy's friend Remus. So polite " Lily cooed to 9 month old Harry James Potter, who like Sirius's prediction, turned out to be a spitting image of his father, James.

"Why be polite when you can be like _me_? I'm everything a woman could ever ask for. The ladies fawn at my feet. You should have named him Sirius Potter." Came the crude retort.

Lily snorted, and was about to reply when James sauntered over wearing an apron and an oven mitt. Sirius tried to muffle his laughter but burst out when he noticed that the ends were singed. James + Cooking = Diaster.

"Good to see you too, mate, " James spoke loudly over Sirius, who by now was breathing in short gasps, "What are you lot doing in the street anyway? Come in and have some dinner. "

"He means what's _left _of dinner. Last time he burned the potatoes so badly, when you touched them they turned to crisp! "

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Dinner turned out to be quite pleasant, despite the fact that the cooking _was _horrible. Even James, who eats practically everything, couldn't stomach his own 'creation'.

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Then all hell broke loose when she arrived………

Cimorene Brenner, Lily's good friend from Hogwarts, and Sirius's on and off girlfriend (They fought constantly over trivial matters ) rang the door at promptly 5:00 p.m., bringing terrible news with her………

"LILY!!!! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THE BABY!!!! ARE YOU BLOODY MAD!??" shouted a dumbstruck James.

Lily pursed her lips "Perhaps. Darling, I planned this little trip ages ago. I just didn't tell you because you would try to stop me. I'm going to visit my parents and Cim and I will spend time in a nice little hotel. Do so shopping; hit some spas. It's only three days. Besides you have work off. " She scanned her suitcase to make sure she had everything and began the search for her cloak.

"YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THE BABY!! I DON'T KNOW A THING ABOUT BABIES EXCEPT HOW TO MAKE THEM!!!"

"You won't be alone, James. You'll have Sirius-----the sadistic bastard. Poor you. " Smirked the petite woman next to Lily. Her and Sirius were in some silly fight. Probably about Sirius's newfound toy----the bike.

"YOU CAN'T DRAG ME INTO THIS MADNESS! " Sirius yelled overdramatically.

"Yes, yes I can. I'm mad at you, so I hid the key to the house. " Cimorene tossed him a duffle bag, "there's a tooth brush and enough underwear to last until your apology. " The devastated young man's jaw couldn't drop any farther.

"Lily dear, I—I don't---I mean---I don't even know what to feed Harry…"

James hazel eyes pleaded with Lily's green ones. Meanwhile Harry was in his playpen sucking on a pacifier.

"Gah. This is what happens when I have a child with a child---y-y-you child! You feed babies milk James----not Butterbeer----not fire whiskey---milk!!!!" sputtered Lily. Cimorene rolled her eys and muttered 'men'.

"NOW, I'll see you on Saturday love, behave." The redhead got on her tippy-toes, kissed her husband good-bye, and smartly slammed the door.

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The sound rang throughout the house. The sound of that damned pacifier. Sirius and James were kneeled in front of little Harry, who sat facing them. His big, green, eyes never looked away from them, and that sucking sound. Just sucking, and sucking, and sucking, and sucking in the silence. Sucking, sucking, sucking, sucking, sucking, **_sucking_**………..

"AHHH!!!! I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!!!!" Sirius leapt up, "TAKE THAT FREAKEN' NOOKIE FROM HIM!!!"

"Padfoot, I don't think we-----" Sirius gently wheedled the pacifier from the babies mouth. Who just stared and stared. Slowly, His big green eyes crinkled, and he began to wail. A bone-echoing sound.

"Nice going dipshit! You made my son _cry! _" snapped James, who was covering his ears.

"GAH! I'M SORRY HARRY, HAVE A GALLEON!!" The instant Sirius forfeited over the money, harry stopped, and began to play with the shiny new treasure.

"YOU _MORON _!!! YOU CAN'T GIVE A BABY MONEY!!! HE'LL CHOKE!!!! IT'LL BE ALL YOUR FAULT!!!! " James shrieked. Today was not his day, or the next three days for the matter. He was normally so level-headed.

"HE BIT ME!!!!!"

"STOP BEING THE BABY, AND GET THE BABY!!!"

"WHY DON'T YOU TRY, YOU'RE THE FATHER!!!"

"FINE!!!"

Now that James had the pacifier and the coin he had to decide which was worse. The crying, or the sucking.

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Outside of the Potter residence a muggle man was walking his dog. Even from the streets you could the wailing sound. It would be a long night for the whole neighborhood. Inside the house…

"Sing to him. "

"I can't sing. Just pray that he'll conk himself out. " Desperately, James Potter, Excellent seeker, Auror, Intellectual-----rocked his son back and forth. Bracing himself for hell.


	2. The Three Broomsticks

Disclaimer: I tried to steal Harry Potter and co.; but the cops caught me. Apparently, according to my lawyer, I can only _pretend_ to own them. _PRETEND_, key word. But you won't tell on me----will ya?

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Author's Note: Here I was, expecting flames and no reviews----and I actually got a lot. Not really, but it seems like a lot to me. Thank you to my 3 reviewers---Slytherin's Snakes, summergirl63088, and mngolianporkchop----thanks for thinking it was funny and I will continue until the bloody end! (Poor James) Yeah, I upped Harry's age so he would be old enough to have teeth and say baby words and almost walk. So it's Au-ish. 

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~~!! _Don't let people drive you crazy when it's within walking distance !!~~_

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Chapter II/Day 1--------The Three Broomsticks

" I just can't help it. Do you think I'm stupid to worry of the welfare of my baby? What was I thinking, **_James AND Sirius _**? With my baby. Oh god, Oh god! " The redheaded witch was sitting on a hotel bed thousands of miles from her house and her child. Well, ……er, her two children in a sense.

" Relax Lil. Harry's fine. But I hoped Sirius isn't. I hoped he gets struck by lightning, " she interrupted by Lily who screeched 'They would go out in a thunderstorm!!!!!!!!' "NO!!! Just the moron I love!!!! NOT YOU'RE BABY, OR YOUR OTHER BABY THAT SOMEHOW QUALIFIES AS A GROWN MAN!!!!!! THEY'RE FINE!!! IT'S VACATION, HAVE FUN!!"

" I suppose you're right. No, you _are _right. This is my vacation. No more baby waking up in the middle of the night, no more burnt food, no more neighbors, and no more James whining for sex all the time. I WILL HAVE FUN!!!!!! " Lily said with a crescendo. 

"Gah! My eye! " Cimorene hissed and placed her thumb to her twitching eye. " Power to you and all, but you mentioned a little too much about your……I mean….you know….yeah. Married life with a kid must be hard. If Sirius and I ever get married, I'll get him fixed like the dog he is. "

"You'd get Sirius _FIXED _? "Seconds ticked by as both women stared at each other imagining what Sirius would have to say about the matter of losing his manhood before they burst out laughing. It was heaven.

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It was _hell._

It was three in the morning, and Harry was still awake. Apparently the tot wasn't tired the least bit and had every intention of driving what little sanity Padfoot and Prongs possessed. They tried singing, dancing, pretending to get hurt (though they stopped that when James knocked himself out) Nothing worked, and it seemed as if it couldn't get any worse. _But it did._

"Padfoot? Do you……smell that? " 

"Oh hell Prongs!!!! Try to leave the room before you do that!!"

"It isn't me! It's…..oh gawd, it's Harry! "

"Eep! What do we do…..do you know how to change a diaper? "

"Ha ha! Today you're in luck. Lil does it all the time. You can throw them away----simple as that! Gotta love them muggles and their queer ideas. " James disappeared for a moment and came back extremely pale.

"…..oh shit….what now? "

" I can't find them. "

"WHAT!!!!! I thought you said you saw her put them on him!? "

"..YES. I know how to put them on----but I never saw where Lily kept them!!"

"Well…ah...damn. THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!!! "

"NO, IT'S NOT. IF YOUR GIRLFRIEND DIDN'T KICK YOU ASS OUT OF THE HOUSE, YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE--------SO IT YOUR FAULT WHEN IT COMES TO YOU!!!!"

"Feh!!! Let's just try to find the things."

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"This blows. " James sighed in defeat. They had stripped apart the whole house and found nothing they didn't already know of except a dusty unused photo album, some stationary with pink hearts, and some mismatched socks. Much to James disgust Sirius had also found some old love letters James had wrote to Lily at Hogwarts. He read them out loud in a romantic tone and cackled with glee at the embarrassing parts.

"Hey mate. Maybe if we wait-----the diaper will wipe itself clean. For all we know Lily could've enchanted them. Ya never know. "

"As retarded as that sounds it just might work. " James said as he stretched his lanky form over the couch.

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" I CAN'T STAND THE SMELL ANY LONGER!!!! Sirius, we will get rid of the dirty one at all costs------as the boy's godfather it is your duty to take it off and throw it away. "

"NO WAY!!! Why don't you do it? " James grimaced and continued as if he hadn't heard his friend.

"……and it is my fatherly duty to…..wipe his rump clean. "

"Yeah----I'm suddenly happy with my side of the deal. "

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"Prongs…" whimpered Sirius. The two doomed friends had just finished putting some of Jame's boxers on Harry in place of a diaper. The dirty work was over. Baby harry still showed no signs of sleep and was making gurgling noises and occasional 'Daddy' or sometimes 'Paddy'.

"Yes, Padfoot? "

"I need a drink. "

"Oh hell yes!!! " They Grabbed everything they needed for Harry and themselves in record time and evaporated to the Three Broomsticks.

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"Well, well. If it isn't the double act-----Sirius Black and James Potter. Never could separate you two, Hogwarts or no Hogwarts. " The speaker was a big woman with a pretty face.

"Rosemerta----give me some coffee with firewiskey. Enough so it fries my brains and I don't remember tonight at all " Pleaded a desperate Black.

"What brings you two here at this time? Christ----It's almost 5:00 a.m. ! Especially you James….with the baby."

" My wife left me for vacation, he won't sleep, I can't sleep, Sirius complains about his girlfriend too much, I miss Lily, I miss sex, I'm hungry, I can't take care of this child, 'cause I'm a child and give me a goddamned butterbeer. " James blabbed in one rushed sentence. 

" Have a seat dear, you're delirious." Rosemerta said soothingly. "Anything for lil' Harry here? "

"Milk, give him a milk. " She sauntered away while both men fidgeted in their seats anxiously awaiting their order.

"Here ya go. Make you feel better with your first swallow. Put the milk in a bottle to go " Rosemerta handed James the bottle and his mug.

"er……could you do it? I-I've never. "

"Now, I wouldn't want to wake the poor fellow. He's sleeping. " And so he was. Drooling all over James's pants.

"Ah…..Life's a bitch" James muttered to himself and took a large gulp of his butterbeer.


	3. Quidditch and Flying Motorcycles

Disclaimer: I have an idea. Click the back button----read the last chapter-----and if you don't already know what I'm supposed to put here-----well now ya do!

Author's Note: Thank you to all my reviewers and flamers!!! Some people think it's stupid-----some think it's funny----matter of opinion really; it could almost delve deep into your personality type or how much you worship harry potter or you just plain and bluntly think it's stupid. Me? This is a side-job to my more serious stories or when I'm waiting for other works of art to be updated. Personally I have fun writing it because some peeps need something far out every once and a while. I'll do individual thanks next chappie; to lazy right now. So…Enjoy! Or not.

!!!! I'm going up north for vacation------so don't expect updates until next Sunday!!!

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The insane create worlds, the sane live in them…the sane create cages, the insane live in ***them***

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Chapter III-----Day 1----Quidditch and Flying Motorcycles

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The past few hours went by in a blur of Sirius's ranting and Pink Elephants. It was time to take Harry (and drag Padfoot ) home. 

"Here you go mate, " James handed Sirius a light duffel bag through a yawn, " You can crash on the couch. "

"Why can't I sleep on your bed with you? "

"Because we're grown men now and it would be just too….ugh. I dunno. Just sleep on the couch. "

"Great. Just great. NOW I HAVE TO SLEEP ON SOME CRAPPY COUCH BECAUSE **MY** WOMAN HID **MY** KEY TO **MY** HOUSE!!!!! " Sirius ranted in a drunken rage.

"Your gonna have some hangover tomorrow, you git "

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Damn the sun! Damn the light! 

The sun poured through the window and beamed it's unwelcome rays in Prongs face. Beyond that everything was perfect. No baby crying, Lily was home, cuddled up against him, and he was refreshed from his little nap.

Wait. _Lily isn't home!_

"GAH!!!" James eyes snapped open and he rolled off the bed and landed on his head. Who had been….snuggling with him? Ew. Wait. He knew. Unfortunately. 

"OH HELL PADFOOT!!! I TOLD YOU TO SLEEP ON THE FRICKIN' COUCH!!" James emerged from the floor and whacked his friend with his pillow. Sirius just grinned insanely.

"Sleep well Jamsie? Oh wait----I know you did. Lily ohhhhh lily. "

Sirius mimicked. 

"Well I bet you slept well. " James muttered darkly. Then a continuous wail was produced from Harry's bedroom; interrupting them. James sighed and faced Sirius.

" Okay. I'm going to go take care of my son, and when I get back you have better of made breakfast for everyone---_including harry_----and taken a shower. You smell like the loo. "

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"HONNNNNNNEEEEEEEYYYYYY!!!! Breakfast's ready!" Sirus screeched in a falsetto voice. James rolled his eyes 'leave it to him'

He picked up Harry, who surprising was still in one piece, and made way to the kitchen. 

Eggs, sausage, and toast with marmalade. It actually looked and smelled good. Not that James would _ever, EVER,_ admit that to Sirius.

"These eggs are runny. "

"No, not they're not. " Sirius couldn't surpress a grin.

"I hate marmalade. "

"Actually, last time I recalled….hmmm let's say a week ago---you loved it. "

"You completely fried my sausage links."

"I think the only thing fried here is your poor pride, James. "

"Bastard. " But by now James was grinning too.

"Looks like Harry's not having much luck with his food either. The kiddo is getting more on his face then in his mouth. Kinda reminds me of you when you're really hungry. " Harry had smeared his pea and carrot baby food all over his tray and face, it looked like hardly any of it had been eaten.

"Well can you blame him? " James asked pointedly, " The stuff looks like a cross of barf and three day old shit. It reeks something awful too. "

"Nah. What are we gonna do today, anyways? " Sirius pestered, while swinging his fork around.

" I was thinking---"

"No."

"Well we could-----"

"No."

"Why don't we----"

"I think no."

"How about-----"

"How about _no_. "

"UGH YOU ANNOY MY ASS TODAY!!! Fine Sirius. What do _you _want to do……..? "

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" _I can't believe we're doing this! " _James moaned, "With the baby and everything. "

" I thought you loved Quidditch. " Sirius protested. The two men were on broomsticks in the Potter's backyard. Harry cooed up at them from the baby swing. "C'mon. For old times sake. And for the fact that I'll bugger you until ya do. "

"Then let the game begin. "

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" I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BEAT ME!!! YOU!! BEAT ME!! JAMES----GRYFFINDOR'S BEST SEEKER!!"

"…and the suckiest at every other position."

"Shut. Up. Now. Before. You. Die." It had been a good game----for Sirius. 200-150. Of course James's only score was from catching the snitch.

"Speaking of flying Prongs, how about I take your baby for a ride on MY baby. " Sirius pointed to the front lot where his enchanted motorcycle was parked; gleaming in the sun.

"I don't think Lily would like that at all. " James responded hesitantly as he maneuvered Little Harry out of the swing.

"James, that's the most sensible thing that you've said this whole time," Sirius pointed out sarcastically. "But in case you haven't noticed yet---------Lil's gone. "

"I really do hate you today. " Came James dry response.

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"MY GOD PADFOOT!!!! DON'T DROP HIM!!!!!!!"

" I WON'T DROP HIM!!!!"

"YOU'RE GOING TOO FAST!!!!!!"

"BARELY!" Sirius was zooming around, 50ft in the air on his acclaimed 'baby' (No wonder to why Cimorene kicked him out)

with harry strapped tightly to his chest in a baby backpack. James, naturally, was freaking out.

"COME DOWN!!!!!! OR I'LL TELL LILY!!!"

"YOU TRAITOR!!!!!!"

"LILY _AND _CIMORENE!!!!!"

"Oh….ah…..damn. "

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It had been a surprisingly disaster free day, oddly enough. But it was only day one. Making sure that Harry was asleep in his crib, and Sirius was most defiantly on the couch, James went in his room and smartly, but surely, locked his door.


	4. Callings and Werewolves

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Disclaimer: Come to think of I take a lot of things that I don't own. Harry Potter, Fanfiction.net, Lord of the Rings, My brother's money, My parent's money, My friend's money…hell! This computer isn't even mine!!!

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Author's Note: I'm back, and I brought my little friends with me--- 76 itchy bug bites. Ugh. Actually, I've been back for a while, but I was just to lazy to update and I kinda had a writers block-----so Buddha forgive me!! Woo-hoo! Thank you to my 30 reviewers and flamers. I love all of you. That's why I'll do personalized thanks even for people who only read the 1st chappie, maybe I'll start doing it on a daily basis------right now.

Britany- sure I'll e-mail you. I gave up making people cry for New Years Eve, so I'm sorry. Glad you like it so much. Don't worry, I'll finish

Adriana Chan- Ah, thank you! It was late at night and I couldn't think of Apparate at the so evaporate would have to do.

Moony391- Thanks, I will. Keep reviewing. 

UnCoNtRoLaBle: Hey! I love your username! ( hard to type though, ) I Love Prongs and Padfoot too! I'll try to update ASAP!

Summergirl63088: Yes, that's what I wanted to do, make something that could possibly never happen---exaggerate characters---ya know, take a break from angsty stories.

Eye-changling- ah. It's _you_ again. I thought I had a restraining order on you and your cracked up ways! _Talking to yourself again and making fun of my accent!! THE HORRID SHAME!!!!!!!. _Now that that's finished. How's your LotR story, lover?

Kantomon- I'll try to as fast as I can. Might slow down a bit when school starts.

Emerald girl- I'm defiantly more into angst too----this is my first humor fic!

Slytherin's Snake- Ah! Yay! You reviewed again----you were one of my first reviewers! **applause**

Americangirl3489- No you didn't Ethel, I shan't say sorry for not telling you either. Ciao, darling. P.S., I like your baby story---especially the baby's name----keep going or I shall come over and make you!

Mronimusha- er……..**Doesn't know what to say**

BellatrixDIED- sure I'll alert you, glad it tickles your fancy.

Trinity Day- Ah, my flamer! I read some of your stories and they're really good! I can tell just by your writing why you wouldn't like my out of this world stuff. Sorry, but I'm going to finish my story anyway. 

Angel()- HAAAA!!!!!!!! SNAPE!!!! I LOVE THE IDEA!!! Lemme think about it. If I use it, I'll dedicate the chappie to you!

Snuffles- Yes, my heart goes out to them…especially James!

Alyx- Yay! Another constant reviewer person! I'm fixing Trouble in Paradise now, so look for it under another name!

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!~ Parents can tell but never teach, unless they practice what they preach~!

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Chapter IV------Day 2----Callings and Werewolves

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He was waltzing in the street. With Peter. Lily was smoking a pipe and pacing back and forth. She looked different-----older. Sirius was having an interesting conversation with Harry-------WITH HARRY?! Er….yes with Harry. 

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James untangled himself from Peter----Peter in drag----and walked closer to Harry. Harry mouthed the words 'typical of him' and faced Sirius again.

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This irked James. He turned to Lily who smiled coyly and blew a smoke ring in his face. 'Sleeping this late? Are you ignoring me James?' she threw him a kiss.

James was about to point out that he was indeed not ignoring her when he was pulled roughly from behind. He turned around to face this……Moony?

It was surely his friend Remus Lupin. His hair was completely gray now, and he had a long beard. He was shouting 'GET UP!!! GET UP!!! YOU'RE SO LAZY!!!' in a terrifying manner. Oddly, he reminded James of a character from a muggle book he read not long ago. Hmm……what was his name……

Wait.

Wait!!

"GANDALF!!!! WAIT!!!! WE NEED TO MILK THE HORSES AND RACE THE COWS!!!! I—I………" James rubbed his sweaty forehead.

Now he most defiantly _was _incurably insane.

" JAMES!!!! DARLING, ARE YOU AWAKE YET? "

He felt to his side. No Sirius ( Ahh…the little joys in life. ) In fact, James clearly noted the distinct sound of teeth being brushed.

James groggily opened his eyes. No Lily, but of yes, that was Lily's voice calling to him. 

Like some freakish muggle horror movie.

" JAMMMMEEEEEESS!!! WAKE-UP SLEEPY HEAD!!! C'MON JAMES I KNOW YOU HEAR ME. **WAKE-UP!!!!!!!" **the latter was a barking command. James put on his glasses, and obeyed.

Ah. The morning was getting the better of him. He knew now. James stretched his lanky frame and sauntered into the living room.

"Hello love, " he crouched down by the hearth of the fireplace, "sorry that took a bit. " To prove his point, he yawned loudly. Lily smiled.

" Glad you slept well. How are things James? Don't get used to being this lazy, you go back to work the day after tomorrow, and that same day we have a gathering of the O----you-know-what. Dumbledore wants to talk to us personally about you know," she and James exchanged grim smiles," and----" She stopped in mid rant, "Forget all of that. " James snorted.

"Done." He said simply with the wave of his hand.

"Just tell how Harry is, dear. He's okay, not sick or injured?" James immediately became defensive. His mind raced angrily; blinded: 

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'Like her to think I'd screw everything up! It's like she still thinks I'm the boy I was back in school!'

'But the boy she met back in school was the boy she married…'

'She must've of been crazy then…'

'eh..heh heh heh….You frighten me! Don't talk! '

'Silence!'

"Silence!!..oh er…." James flushed. Mornings were not good times for his mental state. Lily quirked an eyebrow quizzically.

"Honey, are you sure you're all right…? I can come home, or---" No. He would not be responsible for ruining Lily's vacation. Though he wanted her home, he knew how much she deserved it. Needed it, more like it.

"No don't do that!! I'm fine!!! Harry's fine." Like an omen, dear little Harry decided to wake up. And take James' eardrums with him.

"Is that Harry!???EVERYTHING'S OKAY, RIGHT!!??" Lily became frantic.

"NO! NO. no….no. That's……..Sirius. He's….er, he's upset. " James fumbled over the words. 'Where is that git now, I wonder?'

"Upset!? " Lily exclaimed; bewildered. 

"Yes, horribly upset. I really love you dear, but I must go…console him." James rushed; he had to go take care of Harry. He really didn't know why he made up that inane excuse anyway. Lily's sighed, and seconds later her head disappeared from the fire.

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"Men can be so infuriating. " Lily commented to her friend, Cimorene, who was filing her nails and reading a magazine on her hotel bed.

"Mmmhmmm…" Cimorene answered, never once looking up.

"I mean, honestly, he thinks I'll believe that it was Sirius who balling his eyes out, " At this Cimorene looked up, " when it was obviously Harry, probably just waking up. I don't know why it wounded him so to speak of it." Suddenly disinterested, Cimorene returned to her nails.

"Lily, don't fret. It was just James' pride at stake. He wants you to know he can take care of matters. He has a huge ego. Remember that day in seventh year when he had a hickie? " Cimorene continued, dryly, " He told everyone who commented about it that he burned himself with a curling iron. Then when that wasn't manly enough; a fire spell casted by Snape. " 

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Coffee. He needed coffee.

James paraded into the kitchen, baby in hand, ready for almost anything. Except for a pleasant surprise; which is what he got.

Remus Lupin was seated at his kitchen table reading the Daily Prophet, looking as beaten and tired as usual.

"Moony, mate!!! It's been a month since I saw you!! I didn't know you were coming here! " James secured Harry in his highchair and took a seat next to his friend. Lupin smiled and continued reading the paper.

" I was in the neighborhood, so I dropped by. Just lost my latest job, so…I had time for a visit. " 

"……..Sorry mate…." James really didn't know what to say to the fact that Remus lost his job because of what he was. A Werewolf.

"BREAKFAST IS READY !!!!!!!! " the lingering silence was broken by Sirius; fully equipped with a frying pan and spatula. He hastily served Remus, but stopped in front of James.

"Oh. It's you. Don't you need to console me? " He slipped in slyly as he served James.

"What more did you hear, you prat!? " James demanded suspiciously. Sirius took his merry time to seat and serve himself before facing James again; not holding back a big, dopey, grin that dominated his features.

"Honestly Prongs, I never knew you swung that way………GANDALF!! OH, GANDALF!! WAIT!!!!! " Sirius cried dramatically. Remus chuckled and Harry gurgled at all the excitement. James unsuccessfully tried to rip out his hair.

Damn the man, for he hears far too much.

&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:&:

It was lovely outside; the wind was blowing away the stuffy heat and the sun was half-captured by some fluffy clouds, An ideal day for a stroll in the park.

James pushed the stroller expertly in front of him; having small chat with Remus while Sirius ran ahead in Animagus form sniffing up women's skirts.

They talked about Hogwart days, how they've been, and irksome things. Basically anything with a light mood. Sirius got impatient with them and tried in vain to pull James by his sleeve. A young yuppie out for a late morning jog noted this and commented.

"Quite an aggressive male dog I'd say. Have you ever thought of getting him neutered? " She stopped and wiped her brow with a towel. James and Remus exchanged glances before bursting into uncontrollable laughter that even the confused woman joined in half-heartedly. Harry cooed.

"I………….ca…….can't……………breath…………" James gasped. It was just too much for Remus, who was shaking with silent laughter, " Sirius neutered…can you imagine? " James sputtered as he collected himself.

"Sirius? Such an odd name for a dog? Is he a mutt? No? Use him for breeding do you? " The woman prodded. If it is possible to imagine, the large bear-like dog's face wore an expression of pure horror. James smiled sardonically. 

" Yes. Breeding seems to be the only thing the poor guy's good for these days. " He exchanged a smirk with Remus, " afraid we might have to put him down. His ability to _hear things he isn't supposed to _has gotten him into trouble." The woman nodded wordlessly as she knelt down to pat Padfoot's head, who gave a long warning, growl. Apparently he had heard quite well.

Point taken.

^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^#^

To his surprise and pleasure, it had been a quick day.

James stretched his lanky form across his bed and delicately removed his glasses. Harry slept soundlessly across the hall and Sirius slept half-willingly on the couch. As much as he insisted Moony stay, his friend had boarded the Knight Bus three hours ago.

James chuckled to himself at how Sirius went ballistic when the nice girl (Who's name was Connie and was working her way through muggle college) was out of earshot. Then he went a little farther off the edge when he realized he was out of fresh underwear. ('SHE LIED!!! THERE ISN'T ENOUGH TO LAST ME TO A GODDAMNED APOLOGY!!!!!!')

Lily was coming home tomorrow, and as the last light went out on the street it dawned on James.

He was going to have a hard time sleeping tonight.

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A/N: Hope you liked it; This chappie is long!!! (21 pages typed!!) I'm planning on having two or three more chapters, then an epilogue-----so stay tuned!! 

Oh, to eye-changling; the little tidbit where James is having a mental battle with himself----that is dedicated and inspired by you-----despite the jackshit queer you are-----going in on MY username and submitting a review to MY story! Scratch that---- A FRICKIN' FLAME----what drug are you _not _on? When I see you face-to-face next time I'm gonna…oh wait. Too late for that.

Americangirl3489: I'm 100% positive you recognized one little thingy James said when he woke up from his dream. Thank your sister and campouts-----and horrible, vicious rain. E-mail me. 

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	5. Midnight Rendezvous, Supermarkets, and a...

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter…mmmm….I'd destroy it, wouldn't I?

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Author's Note: Hmm…yeah, school just started----those who share my pain already know. So between summer reading assignments and trying to find my freakin' locker I've found no time for this little data-drainer. Also, I've decided not to do personalized R&R anymore because they just take too long----so thank you for flaming and reviewing. I just have one thing to say---You must all remember this is a AU borderline parody, 'kay?

THIS CHAPPIE IS DEDICATED TO ANGEL() FOR HER MOMENT OF BRILLIANCE----YOU CAN THANK OR KILL HER FOR THIS EXTRA CHAPTER!!!!

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~~~_Most people need to walk into the closet to come out of it~~~_

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Chapter X---Day 3---Midnight Rendezvous, Supermarkets, and a Foe 

James sighed and rolled over. Judging by Sirius' snores and the way the stars were 

Starting to fade into the sky it had to be around four-thirty, and he refused to sit here any longer and pretend to sleep.

Quietly, and oh so carefully, he tiptoed into the kitchen to made himself a cup of tea. The Daily Prophet would be here in about an hour, and until then he would just have to do…well a lot of nothing. Maybe he should go do some grocery shopping. His tea tasted bloody horrible without any cream. Or maybe he should go back to bed.

Oh yeah.

()()()()()()()()()()()()____________---------____________()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

"ssssshit" James hissed almost inaudibly, as he stubbed his toe on a end table that normally was located right by the coathanger, not in the middle of the hallway. Hmmm…

Sirius had moved the furniture around again.

He silently laughed as he stepped over Padfoot, tangled in his sheets on the floor. The couch was way too small for his lengthy body. Prongs delicately moved the pillow under his friend's head and stared at his sleeping face. Slowly, Padfoot's mouth twitched into a large grin. James smiled back.

"Eh. Did you get any sleep at all? " Staring down at the cocky, but nonetheless tired, face looking back up at him.

" Yes, I did. Until someone stubbed their toe, used a broken kettle that sounds like a train wreck to make himself some tea, and then, for no reason but pure apathy, decides to move the poor sleeping body of his dear friend around. "

****

"Well, excuse a foolish bloke for thinking his friend might be more comfortable with a pillow; unless you like sleeping on the floor? I could just take this away…" James made a grab for the pillow, jokingly, of course. 

$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%

"Oww. You didn't have to flip me over the couch."

"I didn't mean to."

"It's just a pillow. "

"I was very cozy, and you were taking that all away from me. "

" It was a joke. "

"It was a reflex." 

"What were you thinking?!"

"I'm wasn't thinking. It's four in the morning. " James and Sirius sat facing each other in Harry's room. Sirius looked extremely sheepish as James gave Harry his bottle. 

The baby had been arisen by a loud thud in the Front room. 

James burped Harry, and stood to move the squirming baby onto the changing table. Sirius gazed out the window.

"Do you think I'll make a good father? " James asked quietly, his back to Sirius as he made sure Harry's fresh diaper was on securely. He didn't turn around to look at Sirius, and anticipated his silence as a bad thing, though it really only was shock at such an affronted question. He rushed on with something he had obviously been wondering about for quite some time.

" I know I really am to begin with too young to be a father, I've never been a father or had one for that matter. How am I not supposed to mess up? There are times when I can be as immature as the eleven year-old that entered Hogwarts his first year. I'm twenty-two years old. How can I raise a child? " James was finally facing Sirius; desperate pleading in his eyes. Harry broke the silence by cooing and kicking his legs against his father's chest. Sirius relaxed a little.

" Being a father isn't about _knowing _what's right. It's doing what's right. Sure, you're young and inexperienced, but that doesn't mean a thing. It's paternal feelings and instincts and love, too. Look at Lily, _she's _never been a mother before, but again, she is a great one. " The silence was heavy in the room for a while, as James seriously contemplated his friend's response. It didn't last long of course. Sirius' stomach rumbled loud enough for people to believe that he had ate some enormous purring cat; or had been fasting for five years. 

"Err…I'm hungry. "

"I can tell. "

"I'll just go in the kitchen and make some eggs, toast, hash browns…perhaps some OJ too. "

"Don't bother unless you know how to make eggs without eggs, toast without bread, Hash without potatoes, and if you want orange juice, you can squeeze it from some old bananas. " James stated, smiling by now. 

" Well I can transfigure…"

"Nah, let's just go shopping. "

And so they went, at 4:30 in the morning. 

~!!!!~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!~~~~~~~!!!!!!!~~~~~!!~

" Umm…James, where do we start? " Sirius stood at the entrance of the nearest muggle grocery store. The closer he got to the doors, the more he disliked the idea of shopping in the place. It was big and bright, with once white walls going yellow. There only appeared to be five or so people in the asylum-like confinement, not including the acne covered teenager with multiple piercing at the checkout. The other creeps crawled about the place too, weaving their carts through the aisles. 

No, regardless of what world you were raised in, Muggle or Wizard, if you stalked the shopping lanes at this time, you were indeed a weirdo.

Sirius stopped himself from falling over backwards when the automatic doors opened, which was a good thing because he was carrying baby Harry. 'Even muggles use magic in their everyday lives!!' he shouted with delight over his shoulder to James, who had already been to the muggle supermarket with Lily numerous times. Sirius, on the other hand, never had as Cimorene or whoever he momentarily was shacking up with, did the shopping for him.

They located a cart and started in the dairy section, Sirius picking out things that appeased his appetite at the moment; yogurt, 'ice cream, lot's of ice cream!', strawberry milk---whatever that was about, different flavors of chips, varieties of soda, ('Uh, padfoot? Is any of this _really _necessary' inquired a dumbfound James staring at his suddenly full chart, so to an extent, that there was barely any room for Harry. )

"Well, not really. But I'll be staying with you and Lily for a---"

"What do you mean?!"

"Cim's mad at me, I've been kicked out until an apology, remember?"

"That's simple! Apologize!! " James said as if it was the easiest thing in the world. To be truthful to himself, he realized he had issues with apologizing like it was nothing, too. He could be a little proud sometimes. 

Sirius gaped openly; in a fish like manner, flopping his arms about, "But that vixen wants my motorbike liquefied! "

"Is it really worth _all that _!? Make a compromise or something…" James continued lecturing Sirius as he pushed their cart towards the checkout. Detouring through the frozen foods section while muttering sternly, James _almost_ didn't see a tall thin figure stooped into the freezer, stretching his long thin arms to reach some strawberry ice cream way in the back.

Sometimes *almost* is a little too late.

"WHY DON'T YOU WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!! You muggles with your dirty blood and your impossibly meaningless consumer driven lives. " The figured on the floor snarled out at James and Sirius who were too stupefied to make one and one two. Slowly it registered.

Muggles. It mentioned, though in furious rant, muggles in a lower term.

The abnormally large, hooked, nose.

Dirty blood. That was a big pointer.

The disgusting grease hair.

The weird statement about 'meaningless consumer driven lives' 

Snape.

Gah! IT WAS _SNAPE!!!!_

Now Professor Severus Snape was a man of high intellect, and little patience. While stopping his ice cream from rolling away, he eyed the two men and child above him in a loathsome limelight. Potter, Black, Little Potter. Eck. How sickly. Their conversation would have to be kept barely civil. He could hardly curse them and run, like he would do in old school days, in front of a bunch of mudbloods in a supermarket. 

"_POTTER.." _Snape drawled evilly, " You and your _wife,_" he locked eyes with Black, "shopping for little junior here? To celebrate his first word or something? To create him into an egotistical testosterone based _moron_ that you both are. A trait I believe you were born with." He sneered; it couldn't be helped. James face tightened and Sirius stared at their archenemy with fire in his eyes.

So much for civil.

Sirius, a rival and an opposite of the crazed man with strawberry ice cream just picking himself up off the ground, worked on impulse. 

In an instant he had the thin infuriating man in a headlock and was attempting to shove him into the freezer, shouting through Snapes wild and shrill screams, and random kicks, curses worthy of a sailor. 

"GET…GET IN…SNIVERUS….YOU….UTTER….I'LL GET YOU…IN THE…" Sirius furious pants as he tried to shove Snape into the exact same freezer where the man's beloved strawberry ice cream came from. Severus, resisting in a wild manner, braced himself by placing his legs on either side of the door.

" YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!! YOU CAN'T!!! YOU JUST WAIT!! I'LL COME BACK AND CASTRATE YOU WITH YOUR OWN WAND!!!! " Snape's loud shrill screams carried over to the pimply teenager, who was obviously in charge. From a distance, the pair must've looked ridiculous:

One tall black haired man, shouting at the top of his lungs while trying to force an even taller and thinner black haired male into one of the store's freezers. The 'victim' was imposing loud inane threats, while the other male present was calming a baby and yelling subduing words at the attacker.

$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%$%

Warily, James trudged into the kitchen at dawn, followed by a worn-out Sirius, forced to carry all the grocery bags and push the baby stroller with a very grumpy and mildly disturbed baby as his punishment.

Strained, " I can't believe you just jumped Snape. You can't do that anymore, especially in public. I'm surprised they didn't throw us out. " James took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes and neck.

Having already been drilled with this 'old' argument, Sirius ignored his friend until he finished cracking an egg. " Heh. Lack of control in the morning, though he really pushed it that time. Normally we provoke him," His eyes lightened a little, as they did when he was speaking of a joke, " It was all worth it in the to have them haul Snape out, still screaming and kicking with rage, demanding his rights for his ice cream and saying he would come back and curse them all. That image will be forever burned in my mind. " Sirius laughed out loud now, probably reliving the memory at the exact moment.

"Do you think the ministry will have to come and clear things up? " 

Great. The last thing James need was a nice chat with the ministry, maybe even his boss would hear about it. Er…

"No, they'll just all assume he's a loon. Which he is. Lily's coming home today. " Padfoot changed the subject as he scrambled the eggs. A multi-talented man.

"Hmm… I know. Hey, let's do something special for the girls when they get back. " The two men exchanged mischievous glances and nodded. Oh, yes. A surprise would suit the women well.

Grinning, James pushed the plate full of food that Sirius just served him, away. Sirius quirked an eyebrow.

" You know what, Padfoot my friend? "

"What Prongs? "

"I'm kinda tired. "

****

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A/N: There. That chapter had no point whatsoever. Two more to go. Well, more like one and an epilogue. 


	6. Mad Onions, Pandas, Wenches, and Ideas

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Disclaimer: Sirius isn't dead. We were just playing hide and seek and…I never found him…I lost him…and I---I…*bursts into hysterical tears*

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Author's Note: Meh. So I took a vacation to inferno (high school). Sue me. Or, more like my parents. They have been searching for reasons to ship me away. '_Anyways, I take a pleasure in killing people…It rather makes me giggle inside…like so…Bwahaahaa ha ha * ahem *…aynways…'_ Does anybody recognize that? Ktb? Yeah. I thought so. 

I think I'm sorry for not posting so long. Well, I wouldn't know; I don't think during the school year. 

Thank you for reviewing and flaming. For the one reviewer who said to put Moony in it more, sorry, but this isn't his broadway-lemonade stand. But, you shall be quite pleased with this chappie. *tips fingers in evil manner* 

I should shut up but…: I AM THE ONION OF THE UNDERWORLD!!!!

* Ahem * I just realized in chapter five I mixed up the roman numerals ten and five…because. I'm not sorry, because no one seemed to care. Neener neener.

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The game is afoot- Sherlock Holmes

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Chapter VI--Day 3---Mad Onions, Pandas, Wenches, and Ideas 

"Get up I tell you." 

* Poke *

"…"

* Loud abominable snoring *

"I _said _get up. Up with you!"

* Poke * 

* Poke * 

* Unnecessary respiratory blockage *

"…erine…"

* gaping gasps for oxygen *

"Prongs! _What the hell_!? Do you have a death wish? " Sirius shot up from his cramped position on the couch, trying to regain his breath and rub his sore back at the same time.

" It's four in the afternoon. " James smirked from his position on the floor, from where he was role playing with a few of Harry's toys accompanied by a highly amused baby.

Sirius, fully awake by now, stretched and yawned; still slightly out it, his blurry eyes watching what was taking place at his feet.

James picked up an ugly looking action figure with an absurdly large six-pack and gave him a deep manly voice, while making him fly around Harry's head with his wand.

"Yes. Yes, I am James Potter. I HAVE COME!! You shall have no fear anymore!!! I will rescue the princess and destroy the evil…git!! But alas, I cannot do it without my psycho bipolar sidekick…Padfoot!" James grinned, clearly enjoying himself. 

He directed his wand to a lone pink dinosaur, and made him join the buff plastic man in orbit around Harry; who squealed 'Paddy!' and 'Daddy!' over and over.

__

Me? A pink dinosaur…he shall pay later…well…okay, it does have my natural good looks and I am quite fond of pink and…(A/N: enough already, Padfoot, you make me ill)

Now it was Sirius' turn, using an eccentric voice that didn't sound very different from his own; a lot alike when the Marauders used to plot schemes in Hogwarts days. 

"Of course the buffoon could not function without me!! ME!! His schizophrenic evil other half!! I would go out of my ways to rescue my friend with his vile and swollen mind!!! " He cried over dramatically. He caught James eye; it was true, he would.

Added to their insane little posse was an orange, stretchy, girl figurine on a surfboard; James made her wiggle as if crying on the ground and put on a high falsetto, sound oddly enough, like a mad Wormtail.

"OH JAMES!! It's me----Lily!!! I have always loved you!! " at this, Sirius raised a defiant eyebrow, "Rescue me, lover boy!! SAVE ME!! Save me from him…the evil…GIT!!" Padfoot nodded in approval and made fat, stuffed panda bear, with a smashed face, hop over and sit on the surfer girl.

" Potter, " He hissed evilly, making himself sound like Snape as much as he could, " You shall never ever in a thousand years defeat me! Prat. I shall win! Mwuhaa haa haa! Kiss your woman good-bye…nor not, " with a flick of his wand, Sirius sent Lily under the couch; making the Panda continue in its malicious laughter.

James slowly lowered the plastic macho man in front of the Panda bear. He glanced at his Son, and positively elated when he took in the huge, gooey, baby smile plastered to his chubby face.

__

Now, how to keep this G-rated…

"Evil git, if you were a…vegetable, you would be an onion."

"Because I make people cry?"

"No. Well…"

"Because I _smell!?" _

"I—no…"

"Because I have layers?" 

"…Er.." James started, faltering into his real voice.

"Because I _peel_!!? " Sirius topped off shrilly, his voice raising to a crescendo.

"Sirius…"

"I know!! It's because I'm from underground!!!" he paused breifly, in mid rant…a crazy smile on his face, the panda bear positivly quivering with anticipation, "I KNOW!! Underground---Underworld!! OH MY GOD! ….…I AM THE ONION OF THE UNDERWORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He cried, his hands thrown up. James had to regain himself from the attack of lunacy; Harry on the other hand, loved it. 

"Okay…we're finished now. " 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

James paced back and forth in the front room, his head bowed in thought.

__

'What? What can I do for her…'

James had made sure that Harry was safely secured in his playpen and that Sirius had a large…_very large_…pot of soothing peppermint tea, before he came here to think.

He didn't have the time or energy to go shopping, but he wanted to do or get something special for Lily to let her know for sure that he was in control and that she was…forgiven for her hastiness. Yes, forgiven.

Tripping slightly over a pile of assortments that he and Sirius had dug up during the great diaper search, James suddenly got an idea.

Grabbing a dusty photo album, an unopened wizard camera, top of the line, and some pink stationary, also moth eaten, James dashed to his bedroom and locked the door.

Let the project begin. 

__

Er…and don't mention it to Sirius…he tends to…yeah…you know…

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

"You know, you think you're a big man down there…in your fancy playpen with your special toys…" Sirius started off, ranting to no one (well, Harry but…), as if he were giving a particularly interesting lecture.

He scrutinized with the 'James' action figure, as if wiggling his finger in disapproval. Taking a hearty gulp from his overly fragranced tea, he looked as if in deep thought, but really he his mind and his body were tired.

__

This tea does wonders…unusual for something James makes…I feel…quixotic…hmm…and tired…

Picking up an equally sleepy baby out his play area, (Sirius' absurd speeches make everyone tired, ) he lay down on the couch, his feet stretched over the end, and Harry asleep on his chest; one of his long arms draped over the infant to keep him in place.

For the first time in days, the two both slept wonderfully.

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A/N: If you couldn't tell yet, I was in one of my…moods. Yes, you tarzan, me asylum worthy. Since this chapter was a short transition…what's that fido? Yes. That's right. NOW, you can expect one more and an epilogue.

Murr: Sirius?

SB: Er…yes? Do you want charity or something?

Murr: No, I just wanted to tell you something.

SB: Ok. Yes?

Murr: I AM THE ONION OF THE UNDERWORLD…NOT YOU!! YOU COMMON KITCHEN WENCH FOR JAMES!!!

SB: Eep. 


	7. Has, Is, Will, Be

Disclaimer: I've already clearly stated that Harry Potter does not belong to me. This plot is mine, but no one in some form of right mind would want to steal it. Oprah is not mine to own as well. I wish she was. Together, we could rule the world. I love you. 

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A/N: Behold. You are the first living witnesses. Many of you have been complaining about my spacing problem. 

Murr: Cry a river, build a bridge, get over it.

* Everyone leaves *

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Murr: Wait!!! Come back!!! I'm SORRY!

But you see, it's not my spacing problem; it's ff.net's. Every time it downloads wrong and now I think it fixed it. So I think it worked…I think…

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Eye_Changling…you make me laugh. Rusty spoons.

__

Someone Reading…you got me on that one. Yes, I do make fun of everyone. And yes, I heed your groveling. There will be something coming soon just like Memories We Missed.

****

I should shut up, but…: I am no sociopath. I am a stick-happy sadist. 

* locks ktb in a cage and pokes her repeatedly with a twig *

*looks around nervously, * Gee, I hope there are no Dumbledore lovers here… * orders plane ticket to Never-Never Land * (first class, mind you,) 

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I am Spartigus

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Chapter VII---Day Three (Final) Has, Is, Will, Be

__

James pranced around Godric Hollow with his newfound toy, the camera.

__

'Lily will love a picture of me. Now, how to go about---'

'No. No, she won't'

'You again, just wait. I'm her husband. Yes she will.'

'No. Seeing your face everyday is enough. What makes you think she wants to carry it around with her?'

'Erm…because I'm her husband?'

'Arggh…your incompetent boobery makes me wretch.'

'Whaa…? I am you!!!!'

"Focus, Prongs." James muttered to himself. He had been drifting lately, not quite sure about his idea. Lily? Lily had tons of photo albums, mostly ones that she pressed flowers in. But there was a whole stack hidden somewhere.

It was just then, that a voice called to him from the kitchen hearth. A very familiar voice…

Pushing aside all his woes for the time being; James scrambled to the kitchen and kneeled before the fireplace, where two twinkling blue eyes looked up at him from behind…well, nothing. Dumbledore ditched the half-moon glasses when out of sight of the public eye. 

His long silver-white hair was a rat's nest, and tangled within it, James distinctly picked out strawberry ice cream stains (A/N: again with the strawberry ice cream, what's with this woman? Erm.) To add to the monstrosity, traces of shed tears on his wrinkly skin.

"Um…Sir, have you been watching muggle daytime television again?" James felt squeamish, wishing that he made Sirius handle this one.

Dumbledore took time to wipe his eyes and blow his nose on robe, "Yes dear lad, I have. The Oprah woman, I tell you, she can really make one blubber." 

"You are really sad, sir. Respectively, sir. " James stood up and tried to find something on the kitchen wall he could find to focus his vision on.

__

That truly is a lovely glass garden gnome Wormtail made for us. What an unusual hobby. Eh…who am I kidding? It's the most hideous looking thing I've seen in my life. Well, Pete is unusual. I think he's gay…

"James!"

"Gah! What?" Snapping his head back to attention, James was surprised at Dumbledore's quick transformation from old fruit to military. The headmaster and Order of Phoenix Commander that most people knew and respected. A rare few, on the other hand, believed the aging madman suffered from hysteria and multiple personality disorder.

"James I need you to choose…well, who do you trust James?" Dumbledore's head cocked quizzically in the flames.

"Umm…you sir?" James stated blandly, dumbfounded.

"Pick someone else." Dumbledore demanded, though secretly flattered. 

__

They love me! They love me! They all love me! (A/N: Er.._right_)

"Lily."

"No, someone else, James."

"Lupin."

"No."

"Okay, Sirius."

"He's…well, how do I put this? I know. No!!!" Dumbledore shouted, slightly frustrated.

"WELL DAMN!! WHY DON'T YOU CUT THE TWINKLY EYE MYSTICISM CRAP AND TELL EVERYONE SOMETHING STRAIGHT FOR ONCE!!! Maybe then you'll get the answer you want!" James yelled, his voice rising with every syllable. 

"Fine!! I never wanted to seem like the tyrant, but now you've upset me." His voice had dropped the mysterious aura now, his blue eyes flat and annoyed, "James, your family's secret keeper is Peter Pettigrew, understand? Understood. You people…all I do for you—bug my a—" Then he was gone.

__

Well, that was…odd.

James scratched his head of black uneven waves as he walked out of the kitchen to go wake up Sirius.

"Padfoot, get up you lazy…prick? Ehh?" James stood a safe distance off, awed. It was quite an adorable scene, with sunlight pouring in on the two sleeping figures on the couch with impossibly peaceful smiles plastered on their faces.

He took two pictures: One for the photo album, the other for blackmail. 

The snapping and flashing of the MM67 Wizard Cam seemed to be louder than he had first surmised, as Harry stirred and Padfoot blinked open his eyes.

"Wha…? What _are _you doing mate?" Sirius gently set Harry aside on the couch and rubbed his heavy lids in a rather childish manner.

"Project Lily. "

"What? What are you blabbing about?" 'Oh that's right,' Sirius let it set in, the girls were coming home tonight.

"I'll help. Wait…project _Lily_?" The tall young man smiled wolfishly from the couch and shook his head, "You've got it wrong James. Let me guess, you're making _another _photo album for Lily?! Hell, what makes you think that she likes those things----she probably only keeps them to make you happy. Clueless."

Alright, James decided he would allow the remark about keeping his presents only to make _him _happy, slide. But the one about him being utterly clueless, well that was just pure apathetic feelings from no where.

"I am not _clueless. _Besides, this photo album wasn't for Lily----er, it was for…ah…Harry." James finished, triumphantly smirking. 

"Whatever you----" Sirius shifted his eyes towards the camera in his friend's hand, "Oh! Is that a MM67?!! The photogenic memory saving camera?" 

Unnerved, James checked the bottom of the camera for a logo, "Yeah, it is. So what of it?"

Hysterical and excited, "What of it!? It's the top of the line wizarding camera----almost exactly like a pensive. You can go back in your memories, though not as directly and vividly, and put them in the camera. Then, the camera freezes and image you want, and there you have your picture!" Sirius ranted off, beaming.

James stared, blinking dumbly, "Wow Padfoot, I didn't think that you knew…anything."

"More than you, prat."

"Shut up."

"You shut up!"

"Can we just start this thing!?" James threw up his arms in defeat.

"What thing? Again with the blabbing and the blubbing---honestly!" Sirius picked up Harry, who was wide-awake by now, and placed him back in the neon green playpen.

"Well, you got me thinking, maybe I should make a photo album for Harry instead. About this whole experience we had with him, just in case." James fiddled with the camera nervously, since he had brought up the inevitable topic of Voldemort after him and Lily. Maybe that's why Lily wanted to visit her parents all of a sudden---as a maybe goodbye. 

"Yeah. Just in case." Sirius muttered, awkward. It was silent for some time before Prongs picked up the photo album and the camera, a little too overzealous for Padfoot's liking, but nonetheless normal James. 

"Let's give it go, shall we?"

"Onward, my friend, onward." Sirius said with flare, which caused Harry to giggle from the depth of his playpen.

Lily tried to flatten her fiery locks after the wild portkey ride. 

Damn wizarding's stupid intolerable forms of transportation. Fireplaces? Inanimate objects that fly? _Brooms_? From a muggle's point, and Lily's, the utmost ridiculous ideas ever. Whatever happened to good old-fashioned walking?

Some in which they were going to use right now. Currently, Lily and Cimorene were four blocks from Godric Hollow. Four blocks from imprisonment; grounds upon which they would trod slowly. 

Tossing the cursed shoe away, the two women walked through the 'old-money' neighborhood in taciturn. It was a cool summer day, the kind that one would associate lemonade and quidditch games with.

As they approached the large, breathtaking, Godric Hollow, both ladies could notice quite quickly that something was rather…different.

Number One: The house was still _there. _

Number Two: There were no abnormalities as far as one could see. No ministry of magic hovering around the house, no large funguses growing anywhere, and no other inane unimaginable thing that may appear when the two men where on a ego-high. 

Number Three: It was just _too _frickin' quiet for anyone's liking.

Eyeing each other warily, the two walked at a pace that would scorn a turtle towards the front door. Vacation had been so fun. Why couldn't they just hold onto that a _teensy _bit longer?

Then, out of no where, Cimorene shrieked happily and broke into a full out run. She was inside before Lily could ask anything, but the redhead noticed it soon enough as well.

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The motorcycle is gone…

Lily, too, managed a jog, following her frizzy blonde friend's echoing footsteps.

As she ran through the parlor, the dining room, and the lounge, she took in the fact that the house was so…clean.

When she burst into the living room, Cim and Sirius where murmuring in the corner, and James was grinning broadly, Harry in his arms.

She ran up and hugged him, both of them, which caused James to smirk.

"Missed me?"

"Maybe." She steered him out of the room as the reunited couple began to commit immoral acts on her floor. 

__

They are so…ugh. I give up! I just give up!

Lily smiled and took Harry from his father's arms cooing about never betraying him again to the dark side. 

"Because of you, are son might turn out gay or worse." James muttered sarcastically, picking up the finished photo album that he and Padfoot had labored over for many monotonous hours.

"What's this?" Lily shifted Harry to her hip so she could see what was inside. Cute images; The two men and Harry at Rosemerta's, Remus, James, and Sirius in animagus form pushing Harry's stroller around the park, Sirius and Harry sleeping on the couch, Sirius flipping a startled James over the couch…er, okay then. 

"When are these photos from?" She eyed her husband with awe.

"From the last three days. The photo album is for Harry---everyone. That box over there, " James pointed towards a plain muggle shoe box on the bed, "We'll save it in there. The camera's in there too."

Lily gently placed the flowered album in the box. Her boy, her beautiful baby, might have to hold onto these someday as his only childhood memories.

"The camera too? What for?"

"For the memories we'll have. And for the memories we'll miss."

Lily was struck slightly by the bitter sweetness of his tone, but she regained herself. 

"James, where's Sirius's baby?"

* Blink *

Then James smiled, nonchallantly waving his hands.

"In the back shed. Don't tell Cim. Don't be mad." 

"I won't. And I'm not mad. I'm never mad at you." Lily hugged James, Harry in between the two of them.

"Does this mean you want to do it with me? Right now?" 

Lily rolled her eyes and pulled away, "No. And don't talk like that in front of my baby."

"Please?" 

"NO!"

~~~Fin~~~_The Memories We Missed_~~~

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A/N: Didn't expect it to have romance, didja? Sorry for the long delay in update---and please remember!! This story is _not _over yet. Expect an epilogue soon. It'll take place post-OotP, summer before sixth year. (Yeah, it'll be Harry, and I promise it'll be more hilarity. I had to be somewhat serious for the last chappie ^^;;;) Chiao---I love you all!!!!

Murr: I love you!! I love you all!

SB: Yeah, but they all love _me. _Honestly, who would read this if it was about _you. _

Murr: …I created you.

SB: Ummm…..no. No you didn't. Rowling did. Oh yeah! Another point for Sirius!!

Murr: Great, I created a monster, and now my monster has come back to bite me in the ass.

SB: Whoa!! Who said anything about ass-biting. That's an extra charge. I only do insults and flirting for free.

Murr:…you make me ill…

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	8. Epilogue: Memories We Missed

Disclaimer: Alright, I killed the scarlet woman----* cough * I mean, yes, I did steal Harry Potter. I think of it as mine. Come and get me and arrest me for thought crime, just like in 1984…

Author's Note: This is the epilogue, but please still review. I'm so sad that I've reached an utterly terrifying state of no words……………….Alrighty, so we're not _quite_ there yet. Anyway, this takes place during the summer before Harry's sixth year, around August (remember, he was about eleven months in my story). I kinda, umm…accentuate Harry's anger management issues from the fifth book, so don't kill me…yet. And yes, I'm sorry, but I'm not bringing Sirius back to life in this, because then he wouldn't be a memory, (hence the title, Memories We Missed,) he would be _real. _Oh gods, the possibilities…

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I should shut up, but…: I just posted my new story that I was talking about in the prior chapter, the one that's a lot like Memories We Missed, except Sirius and James are in their 7th year. So just check it out; it's called** Mishap. **I also thank anyone and everyone who reviewed, so THANK YOU! I WUHV YOU!!! So, if it tickles your fettish, read it (but still review now, pleasie!?) 

*~*~ Life is like a sewer…what you get out of it, depends on what you~*~* 

*~*~put into it~*~*

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Memories We Missed: Epilogue; Exactly 15 Years and Two Months Later, Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place…

For having all of the Weasley family, Mad Eye Moody, Lupin, Tonks, Harry, and the currently veiled portrait of Sirius's mother, crammed together in one living space, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place was unusually quiet…

There was also the ludicrous fact that Percy, Fred, and George were all forced to share a room amongst themselves. You can just imagine the events from there. 

But still, the house was in a terrifying taciturn state. The summer was passing them by, and it was raining. Pouring. The house would groan with every step taken, and everyone was mad and moody, except for Mad Eye Moody himself, ironically. He would sing and drink from his hip flask, uttering inanities about footsteps and stew to anyone who faced the misfortune of being within ten feet of him.

In the back corner room of the house, where Sirius used to keep Buckbeak, Harry, Hermione, and Ron, sat against the hard, unforgiving, wood wall. Silently. 

Hermione looked at Ron, Ron looked at Harry, Harry ignored both of them, so thus making Ron look back at Hermione, who dramatically sighed and threw up her arms.

"Listen Harry, you need to---!!!" Hermione started, but Harry, as usual as of lately, ignored her.

__

Eh…what's she blabbing about now? Sheesh, Ron and Hermione can be so demanding sometimes…

No, no. You're just a provocative ass.

WHAT? Damn, I can't even get silence in my own mind. SILENCE! Ever heard of 'peace of mind'?

I pity you. Falling into a state of interminable decadence. Makes me ill, you see.

Because you are me? God, why don't you just shut up.

"…god, why don't you just shut up… Shut up I say! " Harry scowled, still waging wars subconsciously, (though consciously to us sane people 

* cough *)

"…DID YOU JUST TELL ME TO SHUT UP? ALL SUMMER, ALL YOU DO IS MOPE AROUND---I'M SICK OF YOUR GIBES!! YOU'RE DOING THIS TO YOURSELF, Harry…" Hermione came with the quick repartee, but instantly regretted it, as Harry stormed out of the room without further ado. He had been like this all summer, and the frizzy haired witch decided that if no one was going to tell him to pick up the pieces over his godfather, than she would. 

Ah, damn over garrulous tendencies. And pretentious notions.

Glancing down at Ron, since she had jumped up in her affluent fury, she found her flame-headed crush shaking his head noncommittally. 

"What?!" She spat, very ashamed at her earlier stigmatic outburst.

"………..You _tit _……"

"What did you just call me!?" Hermione asked, more shocked than angry

"You heard me."

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Always Hypochondriac Percy was carrying a heavy load of laundry to the Muggle washing machine, when suddenly someone knocked into him, and he had no clothes.

I mean, no more _laundry._

They were scattered everywhere, and as if not to dirty them more so, Percy scrambled to pick them off the lavishly carpeted hallway floor, with the help from Mad Eye Moody, who had been stalking him the whole day, ranting about the stupidity of ice cubes.

Glancing around for the perpetrator, Percy easily spotted him, clumsily making his way up the attic stairs.

"Hey! Harry! Er…Harry…" Ever since he had arrogantly ignored his family and said all of those…lovely things about the Potter boy, in truth, he had been going out of his way to avoid him.

Harry ignored the frightened young man basking in his own clothes, and anyone he dared to disrupt his intentions of stomping up the long stair case would find their actions proven _futile._

__

Poor, poor, Weatherby. 

Nervous laughter, "Ummm…Harry dear chap? Would you care to…h-help pick up this mess you created? I—it would be very…kind of you, dear boy." Percy tented his fingers, still sprawled ridiculously on the floor in the middle of his clothes.

Harry spun immediately on the spot, his dark green eyes boring right through Percy like laser; as if he had intentions to blow him up with his ultra patent ray. Maybe he did.

Grabbing anything within arms-length, Harry startled hurtling it at Percy, who shrieked and ducked. Mad Eye Moody still stood there, chuckling, moving onto _his _version of how electricity was invented.

"WHY CAN'T ANYONE IN THIS HOUSE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!! **LEAVE---ME----ALONE!!! **AND ALL OF YOU _SHUT UP _WHILE YOU AT IT, TOO!!" Harry shouted, letting off some pent-up, post-Sirius death anger, as he catapulted pictures off the wall at Percy; most of the time dead-on hits.

"Ah---ow! Harry—stop that! Stop that!" Percy scrambled left and right, trying his best, (which wasn't very good. He wasn't physically coordinated all that well,) to dodge the smashing portraits; all whom were protesting being chucked around. Though secretly it was the most excitement they had had in couple hundred years.

Now ducking behind Mad Eye Moody, who in his best senses had assumed that they were under attack, impulsively screaming 'Run away! Run away! Draw your wands and run away!' He peeked out from his behind his barrier, as the air-raid had subsided for a the time being. 

Mumbling, as Harry had disappeared upstairs, "Ye gads, that boy belongs in a Funny Farm…" Still gripping Moody's legs from behind.

"I HEARD THAT!!!!!!" Came the echoing shout from the floor above him.

"Eep!"

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He was furious, completely and utterly, _incensed._ For no apparent reason, but nonetheless…

So, to make some of his rage disappear, Harry kicked a couple of the dusty boxes in the attic. He imagined that Sirius's parents wouldn't be the types to keep family emblems, so they had to be his godfather's. Surprisingly, that made him more upset---occasionally, he pretended that the boxes were that dopey house-elf that lived here, Snape, Malfoy---even the muggle postman at Privet Drive with his overbearing body-odor. 

Kicking was loosing its value, so picking up the closest, most sooty box; he threw it against the wall with all of his might, the contents showering down on him. 

Ouch. And some of them were _hard!_

In a slight stupor, Harry groped the floor next to him until he had the accursed objectile in his hand.

It was a camera---an old one, but not like any camera he had ever seen before. It had so many knobs and dials, and a variety of buttons; enough to make him wonder how they could ever find enough purposes for them.

Harry sat there for a while, turning it over in his hands. Perhaps it came with instructions? So, a man with a mission now, he walked around in circles in the small and stooped attic until he was sure that he had collected all of the oddities that had belonged in the box.

The camera, an ugly looking photo-album dotted in flowers, a couple rings, disturbing looking action figures, and more odds and ends.

He was wary to pick up the photo album and look at. A) It was Sirius's, and the last thing he wanted to do was to be reminded of him right now. B) It was Sirius's, and no one could ever know what to expect in a photo-album his godfather had made. The worst, most likely.

Tenderly, he flipped open to the first page---and blew out a large, shaky and startled breath of air. 

Not what he expected to see---a picture of Sirius, peacefully asleep, sprawled out on a couch as rays of sunlight illuminated him and the baby sleeping on top of his chest---him.

It was so real; he could see their miniscule chests rising in falling in even breathing. Harry stared at the snapshot for the longest time, his feelings in limbo. He felt nothing, nor did he want to---he just wanted to get lost in the moment that he had absolutely no memory of.

Laboriously, he turned the next page, and the next, his awe growing. They were all pictures of Sirius and his father. He was there too, and they were doing numerous weird activities.

Strolling in the park, Sirius as the giant black dog, Lupin was in it as well---they were playing with the hideous action figures he had found, Sirius was cooking---flying with him on a motorcycle while his father yelled from the ground; there was even one with them at Rosemerta's…though it looked like his godfather was drunk and he was wearing someone's underwear.

That was just the beginning. There was strange one too---he could swear that there was one of Sirius shoving Snape into a freezer of sorts, but he couldn't be sure.

Finally, the raven-haired boy turned to the last page of the photo album---his heart began to beat fast and irregular.

His father was there with his arm around his mother, who was holding him. They were all smiling, especially his flame haired mother, who was on the verge of smirking. His father seemed to be playfully yelling at her, either 'Silence foul temptress!' or 'Violence owls attempt things!'. Umm…he couldn't be sure which.

He had to have been up in that crowded, oddly homey, attic for a long time when Remus came up behind him softly, stopping at the stairs.

"Harry?" His voice was etched with worry, his face was more tired then ever, and for the first time, Harry realized he had lost someone too: his best friend.

Calmly, Harry closed the album and gently placed it back in its box. He would be coming up here more often; he could tell.

Worried that the teen may explode at him, as he had been doing to everyone, Moony cautiously inquired, "What were you doing up here, Harry?"

Smiling now, as he looked around the small, enclosed room with no windows, that was the only key to his past, "Oh…you know. Just getting reacquainted with my family." 

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A/N: Sheesh. I'm so bad at this. First, I promised to have this epilogue up a loooonnnngggg time ago. But here I am again, late. I also thought that I could do so much better at the ending, but I'm….just stupid. And lazy. I love all of you, but these are my three favorite people who were pretty much there all the way…

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Someone Reading-Yay! I love you! You always reviewed every chapter, and you were the first person _not _to flame it, either. I feel obliged to dedicate this whole story to you! I hope you like Mishap---you inspired me to get going on it.

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Eye-Changling-I don't know what I owe you in this story. 

* Self-righteous smirk * Well, anyway, thank you, I guess. You and your bizarre comments, ktb. I shall see you in the realm of roleplaying and storytelling!! I salute you!

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Alex7-I stress this----you _were _my very first reviewer---for Trouble in Paradise that was no paradise and all trouble. * Grin * Thank you, because even though you were my first reviewer, you are still reviewing and your comments are very helpful! (You're one of the few who helps me with spelling errors and grammar mistakes) Thank you!


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